I Miss My Grandma...

So it's been a while since I've attempted this whole blogging thing. I tried it once & honestly felt like it was more of a hassle to keep up with...so I deleted my last blog. I've had so much on my mind during 2011 that I thought I would give it another chance. I want a place to share my thoughts in hopes to: 1) get them out somewhere so that I don't simply ponder them all day! Also-- 2) hopefully there will be times where the words I type will connect with others (maybe even you)...

Soooo...I thought for my first blog I would share something that's been on my heart a lot this past week. This past Monday my grandmother passed away and went to be with Jesus. I've known for a while now that the day would come. Grandma asked me a several years ago if I would be willing to speak at her funeral. I remember saying to her, "How about we not think about it just yet?!" I did not want to think about the day when my grandmother would no longer be here. There are not many people in my family that I am extremely close with like I have been with grandma, so the thought of losing her was not one I wanted to deal with...knowing whether I liked it or not, that day was coming. It finally came this past week. The day also came where I would be faced with the challenge & honor of preaching her funeral.

All of the things that go along with losing a loved one came to pass...we received friends...we did the funeral (& somehow I preached without crying too much!)...we had tons of people over for a meal (most of which, I honestly did not know!)...& then Jamee, Abby & I returned home. When we got back to Shelby, reality began to set in. I can not pick up the phone and call my grandma ever again. I can not pick on her about her chewing tobacco anymore. I can not go buy her statues of red cardinals. The list goes on and on...so many more "I can not _________."

Don't get me wrong...I know in my heart that grandma is more ALIVE today that she ever was on this earth. I know she is with Jesus. She is with our Creator. She is seeing life and the Creator of Life itself! I know she is healed & if I could truly see how healed she is, I would long for it more than I already do!

This doesn't change the fact that my heart is heavy...I miss grandma. I have lost people in this life; but no one this close. I simply miss her. It is a big reality check for me that this life is but a curtain call for the next. I think my biggest struggle in this life; my biggest "struggle/sin" is that I am prone to waste the time God has given me. I get comfortable with simply "existing." What I mean is that I get caught up in living a meaningless existence filled with worrying about the next "project" at my house, or catching the next TV show on the air, etc... These things are not necessarily bad and I do not want to come across as "holier than thou," but these things are so minor compared to living a full & abundant life...the life Jesus offers me the chance to live out...

I learned so much from grandma while she was here on earth...I believe that now with her passing, I will perhaps learn even more about using the time I have been given to love others with the love God offers me daily...

I miss my grandma...but I will see her again...because my faith lies in something bigger than myself...I will see one day what she now sees, and embrace one day what she now embraces...but not just yet...

Until then...
And until my next blog rambling...